DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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