I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how can u be prego again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
