it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
