i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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