I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
