Sry I called you an 8
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
