Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize