so that wasnt chicken after all
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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