i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
