I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
