I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
vagina is talking i cant
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
