There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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