OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
