the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
