I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
