I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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