sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
