I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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