Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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