After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
