She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize