I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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