My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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