dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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