You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
