I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
