I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
