I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize