I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
