I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
