I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
