the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
