we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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