shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
