I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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