I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
