I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
