thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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