youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
