Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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