I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
