my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
