ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
