Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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