did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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