I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
