I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
