I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
