I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
