I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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