do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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