Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
