They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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