I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
