She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
