i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
