I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
