but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
