just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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