Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've blown a few things in my day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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