and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
