my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
