i would punch a child for taco bell
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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