He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
