i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
