you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
