He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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