I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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