I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
