I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
