I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
