Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She needs sedatives and a leash
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
