good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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