So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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