theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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