I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
