I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
